Whitey and cars still do not mix, despite the fact that after seven years, he finally has a driver’s license again. While on a nice, quiet Sunday drive through Southern California, he got off on the wrong freeway exit and ended up in a neighborhood that, "made the movie Boys In The Hood look like a frickin’ frat party."

How’s this for carnage: Mike Basich fell on his face in Europe and broke his lower jaw, but that’s nothing eight weeks of drinking meals out of a straw and four feet of steel wire won’t fix. B.J. Leines broke his wrist, but is going to get worked on by the same surgeon who fixed famed motocrosser Jeremy McGrath’s wrist. Not to be out done by his older brother, Eric Leines went out and broke a vertebra in his back. J.F. Pelchat experienced one of the worst pains known to man, tearing his Achilles tendon. Neil Goss broke his arm, and Lael Gregory has forever ruined his chances of having a lucrative modeling career after he broke his nose for the seventh time. Photographer Jeff Corbett broke his leg snowmobiling early season in the backcountry near Whistler. According to field reporter Sean Johnson, Corbett took a wrong turn down an icy slope and was pitched over a mound in the middle of the trail. He lay there in the snow with no help for twenty minutes. "We didn’t know he was hurt. We saw him get up after he fell, so we assumed he was okay." It turned out that he was screaming in pain the entire time, but the roar of fifteen snowmobiles drowned out his cries for help. Corbett later told Sean, the only reason he got up, was to unwrap his broken leg from the handlebar. Two hours later he was flown out by a helicopter, and taken to the hospital. The final prognosis, four broken bones below the knee. Ace bandage wishes and ibuprofen dreams go out to all the above people on the injured reserved list.

Tyler Lepore finally cut off that cluster of twigs, grass, and dirt he called hair, and immediately benefited from his change in appearance, for the next day he ended a prolonged drought and spent the entire night doing it all for the nookie.

Gabe Linn is spending another winter in Mammoth, smokin’ grits and trying to try to get away from the lumberjack image that has been following him around since he left Oregon. He’s also looking for a board sponsor with a dental plan. Seth Wescott has signed with Oxygen snowboards and Joni Mak has signed on with Option snowboards. Jordan Mendenhall has been spotted at various events chillin’ with the World team and is rumored to have signed onto their am team.

After tons of hype, Forum has revealed plans to release their own line of boots for the 2000/01 season, and their entire snowboard team dropped their other boot sponsors to rock ’em. Forum also plans to release a team video, with cameos of rap artists and supermodels. Old Dirty Kearnso will be in charge of content of this NC-17-rated flick, so you know it will be good. Look for updates on the video, in the Yellow Snow section of this mag.

DC continues to power up their snow team with the recent addition of Mr. Josh Dirksen. Aside from a huge cash incentive, Josh will also be receiving three jars of Power Bait, treble hooks, and several different sizes of Banjo Minnows.

Twist is now making boots; no word yet on who they have in mind for their team.

Country bumpkins Shaun Palmer and Glen Plake have a friendly wager going that neither will ever own a computer in their lifetime. If Palm knew of the availability of porn on-line, do you think he would change his mind?

Skier and extreme personality Brad Holmes, along with photographer Dave Norehad, has released his own brand of perfume called Attitude by Holmes. If you smell something funny when you’re riding up the gondola at Squaw Valley, don’t even trip, there’s probably just a little Attitude floating in the air. If you smell like funk and need something to cover it up, visit his Web site at attitudebyholmes.com.

The Gathering Of The Goddesses seminar is set for April 2, 2000. The seminar will take place at Snowbird, Utah, and is rumored to be more fun than Lilith Fair. Contact Candy Harris at (714) 434-7467 ext. 16.

A quick bitterness update, Sean Johnson needs a woman. Any available women can e-mail him their number and a picture to skateboardcanada.com.

Peak Adventures, located just 26 miles east of Coeur d’Alene, Idaho, has started a snowcatboarding operation in the St. Joe Mountains. Call (208) 682-3200 for information and/or reservations.

411 Skateboard Video Magazine is finally getting their feet wet, and will be making 411 Snow with the help of Todd Franzen. In case you’re a newcomer to the sport, Todd is an ill snowboarder from back in the day, so you know he won’t be putting anybody with wack styles in this vid. Look for it at your local snowboard shop or call (714) 641-7037.

Not waiting to be washed before starting to film are Alaska rippers Jason Borgestede and Jesse Burtner, who, along with Boarderline snowboard shop, released a snowboard/skateboard video, titled 100 Percent order it from Borderline at (907) 349-9931.

Marc Frank bought a Cadillac and gave us a few ideas about what he has going for it. "I don’t even know what’s gonna happen to that thing, boy. I’m slamming that motherf–ker. It’s gonna be the

F–kedupist lowrider you ever seen." Apparently this is a good thing. When finished, his ’87 Brougham four-door, with 12,000 original miles, will be equipped with hydraulics, a boomin’ stereo, and chrome Daytons with spokes. It’s probably safe to say, he won’t be bumpin’ Will Smith in this ride.

And with that ghetto fabulous last paragraph, we conclude this version of Tiny Tiznype.