Krebs

Dave Sypniewski vs. The Golden Arches

or How To Make A Fat Slob Out Of Yourself

A boisterous and penny-pinching Dave Sypnewski was recently shooting off at the Bend, Oregon skatepark about how he was starving and wanted to go to McDonald's and eat ten twenty-cent hamburgers. After about 30 minutes of pestering, I told Dave to shut it-that I'd buy the ten hamburgers for him if I could take photos. Dave accepted gleefully and ran like an anxious nine year old to get his ten hamburgers with my $2.90 (there's no sales tax in Oregon). He attacked them with a pleasure that I'd never seen anyone get out of a McDonald's cowburger, but after five or six burgers the pleasure had disappeared. By the eighth burger only Dave's ego and self-determination enabled him to force it down. After a small bite of the ninth patty Dave had no choice but to accept defeat, and pay his inevitable penance later that evening at the porcelain altar.

-Whitey McConnaughy

Golf, It's Not Just For Old Guys In Tacky Outfits

The first Technical 58 Mount Hood Invitational Golf Tournament played under sunny Oregon skies this past July, hosted by snowboarders Jack Coglan, Russell Winfield, and industry insider Roger Madison-the men behind new-generation Technical 58 golfwear, and money-sponsors Mantra eyewear.

The Invitational drew snowboarders from all over to Oregon. Eleven teams played in a scramble format (all four players play, and then the team's best shot is scored). But the real drama started the night before in Government Camp's world-famous Ratskellar Bar (home of the buck seventy-five twenty-ounce can of Rainier). D.J. Greyboy brought people out in droves, and golfers bought each other drinks in hopes of adding to their opponents' handicaps the next day.

Morning came too soon for some, but everyone made their tee time and remembered to tip the drink-cart lady. The longest drive of the day went to Yuji Kawashima at 270 yards (for those of you who don't play, that's a damn fine drive). Another winner, Frank Wells, took home the honor of "closest to the pin" on the 149-yard fourth hole, landing within six feet of the cup. He could have won "best dressed," too, if that had been a category.

The inter-team heckling grew stronger as the day progressed, and by afternoon only three teams were left standing-tied for the lead at eight under par. Golf can crush you mentally, but so can your competitors. None were as confident as the team of Andy Hetzel, Dave Seaone, Ryan Glancy, and Steve Astephen who edged out the two other teams in a sudden-death playoff, with Seaone sinking a 25-foot putt to carry his team to victory. The winners took quickly to drinking beer from the T58 silver cup-soon to be engraved with their names on it.

Look for the next T58 Invitational Golf Tournament, taking place March 11 in Las Vegas, Nevada.

-Michael Lucas

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