January 1, 1999

Last year a "friend" of mine made a resolution on New Year's Eve to lose weight. The theory behind his thinking was that if he were skinnier, he would be able to perform all the latest flip tricks with ease and quit landing on his belly while trying straight airs. My "friend" broke his resolution halfway through the first bowl game New Year's day-needless to say, he didn't lose any weight. He actually got heavier and quit snowboarding for a while after realizing that he had no chance of getting a part in TB7.

Over the course of last summer my "friend" learned two important things about tricks and thin people: they are stupid and have no soul!

My "friend" has a new resolution for the year 1999: he's going to gain as much weight as possible. The theory behind this one is that gravity will pull his fat ass down the Baker Bank Slalom course faster than that skinny Terje punk. Then everybody will love him and realize jumps are dumb.

-David Sypniewski

What Is Your 1999 New Year's Resolution?

Temple Cummins

Gnu team rider, Tom Brown activist

"I don't really have time for a 1999 resolution. I'm too busy preparing for the millennium breakdown. I'm buying generators, storing food, getting more fishing poles. This isn't a scare tactic, it's for real!"

Mike Parillo

Tortured artist

"I don't know where to start, I'm too f-ked up to come up with even one. I guess that not having a resolution is a good start."

Jason McAllister

Salomon team rider, future of professional snowboarding

"My 1999 New Year's resolution is not to step in. Wait, I can't say that, they'll make me. No, no, I'll stick with not stepping in because resolutions were meant to be broken."

Michelle Taggert

All-around badass

"I want to change the Spice Girls' tune. I'll probably hire a hit man to Super Glue the lips of Ginger Spice shut, then take over as the lead singer. From then on out it will be all folk songs and maybe a little punk rock."

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