People are obsessed with nicknames. Well, at least us Interns‘ are. We spend a great deal of time formulating new ones and making sure they get used around the office. It’s absolutely ludicrous! For example, we started out with the word "dog" and added it to the end of someone’s name, like Jay Dog or Steve Dog (A technique stolen from our high school football coach, who referred to his team members as some form of animal or rodent). Then, we took the word "big" or ‘"lil’" and used it as a descriptive adjective, like Big Steve Dog, or Lil’ Jay (something we mimicked from the various-sized rappers gracing the MTV limelight). Recently, however, we’ve gone off the deep end and created a spoken language where every word, not just someone’s name, becomes messed with. It’s practically a slang language chanted only by us Interns‘, and shunned by others here at TransWorld. Indeed, it’s quite different, but we’ve learned to love it, and we hope you’ll do the same. It goes something like this: Take a word, any word. Let’s take something we’re familiar with–snowboard. Starting with the letter "s" in snowboard, move forward until a vowel is reached. Boom! Two letters down, and it’s an "o." Disregard this first vowel and all the remaining letters. You should now be left with "sn." Add the letters "izz" to "sn" to form snizz. Next, take your pick from "knap" or "noint" to finish off the word to create snizznoint–for example, I shred the rad with my snizznoint. Now, let’s look at this month’s lizzknaps that you sent into us, The Angry Izznoints‘. And if you don’t like our new language, well, I guess you can all go fizzknap yourself ’cause we’re so sick of your shizznoint, that what you think makes no fizzknaping difference to us anyway.

I’m a ten-year old snowboarder from Michigan, and I started snowboarding last year. I think boarding rocks! I love boarding ’cause it’s so fun to get some air. So, thanks for having such a great mag.

P.S. I’m Kaitlin’s mom and I’m really proud of her and all her siblings. We live, work, and play at Boyne Mountain in Northern Michigan. Kaitlin can ride all the blacks and one of the double blacks. She’s starting to venture into the pipe, too. She’s the youngest of six kids. I’ve finally gotten the hang of boarding and I’m hooked, too. All of her siblings can be found at Boyne more often than not. Her three brothers, one brother-in-law, and a brother’s girlfriend all snowboard. Her other brother-in-law skis and her oldest sisters (twins) snowblade, but we let them hang out with us anyway. Our family has a blast together. My husband, and father to the crowd, is a rock ’n’ roll bass player and will only go so far as to join us for lunch. Our grandson is only two, but we’ll get him out there next year. My twins and I are lift operators for the beginner lift and that’s fun, too. Kaitlin set this letter in motion and I couldn’t resist adding my two cents. We’re a special and unique bunch, who all fight over each issue of TransWorld as it arrives. Thanks.

I think your snowboarding mag kicks ass. If you didn’t already

notice I’m trying to suck up. I’m a poor little white boy from California and I need a snowboard really bad. If you can’t get me a snowboard, then please, for the love of god, just give me a job. Most of my friends have boards and I feel really stupid when I have to rent one. So, if you do not give me what I ask for, I am going to cry.

P.S. I heard you guys smell funny.

You know what? I’m tired of all your guys’ funky BS! I’m tired of all your columns, as well as your stupid, wack-daddy head games. I don’t know what possessed you to stop the funny stuff; you know the stuff, The Angry Interns‘. You probably ran out of snappy comebacks, so now you’ve resorted to mediating when there isn’t a conflict to be seen. Get your crap together, get back to the nitty-gritty. Make people feel like the morons that you are, and remember, kiddies, you need to take a step back before you can go forward.

Okay, kiddy dung-dung, I will now take a step back and review your beautifully manicured letter: You used the word "you" eight times, "funky" one time, "wack" one time, "daddy" one time, "wack" and "daddy" together one time (to form phrase), "nitty" one time, "gritty" one time, and lastly, "nitty" and "gritty" (together to form a phrase) one time. Are we noticing a trend? C’mon, Leonard, snap your ass back to the 1970s where you belong. The word "funky" to describe the poo from a bull? Honk! Honk! Get out of my way, Leonard Light, I’m stepping forward as you stay the f–k back.

You have the best snowboarding magazine around. I was just writing to tell you that your mag cheers me up because I can’t afford the World Industries board or bindings that I want, and I only got to go snowboarding once this year. And when I went, I had to ride a borrowed board. So, when I buy your mag, I can at least read about snowboarding. Thanks for making the best mag.

P.S. World Industries is the best

P.P.S.S. If you have any coupons for equipment, please send them to me.

I am very impressed with your mag. It kicks major ass. I especially like Angry Interns‘ and the snowboarding pictures. I haven’t snowboarded, but I’m very interested in trying. My mom and dad say it costs too much. Bullshit! All I wanted to say was that what you guys do is great, but I would make your articles uncensored! Oh, one more thing, your music section kinda stinks!