New US Surgeon General acknowledges performance enhancing effect

5150 Snowboards has awarded the 5150 420 24/7 gold medal to Ross Rebagliati for his first place finish in the Olympics. Steve McNutt, 5150 brand manager, said Ross is deserving of the first ever award since he clearly demonstrated snowboarding skills can be enhanced by marijuana use, and he felt the Acapulco Gold would be a good alternative to the Olympic Gold Ross was stripped of after his urine tested positive for THC.

The editor at a major snowboard magazine was quoted as saying: "We knew all along that marijuana use gives a better ride, just look at guys like Terje (Haakonson) and Ross, they are some of the best snowboarders around."

The 5150 Snowboard team pulled out of the Olympic qualifying contests early on, knowing that this drug policy would thwart the quest for the gold. Team leader Mike Ranquet said, "No way am I going to Japan to eat fish ball soup, win the gold medal, then have it taken away by the Olympic Committee for some bogus rule."

However, in separate news the new Surgeon General of the US David Satcher said in an interview that the Olympic committee was undermining his new anti-marijuana campaign. "Here the Olympic committee is telling athletes that the drug enhances performance, while the US government is trying to tell kids it worsens performance. We have a serious media bungle on our hands here, and I'm going to appeal this ruling directly to the Olympic Committee. We have to get our stories straight."

There were rumors flying around the Olympic venue in Nagano that the FIS (International Ski Federation) had contaminated the urine sample. After panning snowboarding for years, the FIS has recently taken control of more snowboard events in hopes of turning snowboarding into a skiing event, and thereby funding the new FIS directors villa in the French Alps. A Japanese snowboarder who was catering an FIS lunch function in Naganao overheard officials saying, "Now is our chance to show the world that nobody messes with the FIS."

5150 makes some fine snowboards -- incorporating new Web Core and Micro Cap technology -- as well as Device Compatible Step In boots and bindings. 5150 will debut these technologies at the SIA show in Las Vegas on March 2, 1998.